Real Men CARE has created a strong support network for male spousal caregivers.

As a devoted husband and spousal caregiver to a wife with multiple chronic conditions (MCC), those that last a year or more and require ongoing medical attention or that limit activities of daily living, I founded Real Men CARE because although my wife was the one sick, I was the one in tremendous pain. I felt isolated and alone, and didn’t have anyone to talk to about my condition.

I spent many years and many long hours caring for my wife and our two children, but sadly my role as a caregiver wasn’t recognized. I heard it all: “You’re her husband!” “That’s your job!” “Who’s going to help a grown man?”  I explored the maze of federal, state, and even local support to ease the strain and reduce the challenges of caring for my wife and our children and working full time, but found little to no support system for someone like me – young and male.

In my research, to receive the type of support I sought, I needed to “be 55 or older.” I was thirty-four (34) years old and just settling into my career and fatherhood when my wife was stricken with a life-threatening, life-altering disease. I realized I was alone. I did not have a clue what I was going to do, nor did I understand the magnitude and difficulty of what life had handed me.

I was the provider. My wife ran the house. She took care of the family; she held us all together. She was always so strong. She never got sick. She handled everything. When it was my turn, I felt as if I failed miserably. I found it next to impossible to work outside the home full time and provide round-the-clock care for my wife, who often needed help with daily essentials like cooking, cleaning, walking, the administration of her medicine and transportation to and from doctors’ appointments.

Diminished earning ability because of lost time from work, and reduced benefits when my wife was deemed disabled caused financial devastation to hit quickly. God bless my co-workers, a compassionate group of men, who often pitched in to help me purchase groceries and my wife’s medication.

They knew I had no way to repay them, but I vowed to create my own compassionate brotherhood of men in the community that would take the initiative to do for others what they would want others to do for them – care.  My passion is to help men like myself – devoted husbands who may not have all the answers, but have the desire to respect, support, and cherish the women they love as they experience the most difficult times of their lives.

My goal was to create a forum where men who act as caregivers for their chronically ill and/or disabled wives find emotional support and other tools and resources needed to adequately care for their spouses, a place they could come and find a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, and if they need help managing their homes, we will help them regain control of their lives.

Real Men CARE is committed to supporting families to help them grow stronger than they were before this unfortunate circumstance happened to them. Everyone’s definition of “support” is different. Yes, we’re here for you. We’ve got your back. But we don’t just back you up. We give you a hand. Whether you are new to caregiving, or have, like me, been on this journey for a while. Real Men CARE offers help.

Together with a Board of Directors consisting of incredibly talented, sensitive, and compassionate individuals, we formed Real Men CARE, Inc. and our work was launched in mid 2014. Our board is weighted with current and former caregivers. So we don’t have to imagine ourselves in the shoes of husbands caring for a chronically ill wife, and wonder what type of help he needs, we have been or are in his shoes and understand the feelings of depression, guilt, loneliness, and even helplessness, and know that he needs love, genuine concern, kindness, and economic support.

Thank you for your interest in helping us help men help the women they love.

Darnell Johnson
President & Founder